I鈥檓 not a comedian, but I joke a lot. I steal the good jokes. Bad jokes are mine. ko-fi.com/mariana057 Resist. NO DMS. cash.app/$Marianaz057馃寠馃寠

United States
Joined July 2008
If you're cremated after you die, you can be put into an hourglass and continue to participate in family game night.
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mariana Z馃嚭馃嚘馃嚭馃嚘馃嚭馃嚘 retweeted
If April showers being May flowers, what do Mayflowers bring? Smallpox.
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mariana Z馃嚭馃嚘馃嚭馃嚘馃嚭馃嚘 retweeted
Captain Crazypants is calling Mitch McConnell鈥檚 wife China loving Coco Chow, whatever the hell that means.
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mariana Z馃嚭馃嚘馃嚭馃嚘馃嚭馃嚘 retweeted
Recently I bumped into the guy who sold me my antique globe It鈥檚 a small world.
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Look at what I got from work for my 5 year anniversary. This is better than a pizza party. I feel super appreciated 馃槀馃槀馃槀馃槀 like a whole pen鈥
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mariana Z馃嚭馃嚘馃嚭馃嚘馃嚭馃嚘 retweeted
"People need to stop putting flyers on my car. I don鈥檛 want to see a band called 'Parking Violation' @ the 鈥淐ourthouse.鈥
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mariana Z馃嚭馃嚘馃嚭馃嚘馃嚭馃嚘 retweeted
Nobody ever talks about dark chocolate covered espresso beans.
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mariana Z馃嚭馃嚘馃嚭馃嚘馃嚭馃嚘 retweeted
Why did the two big cats get a divorce? Because one was a lion and the other was a cheetah.
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mariana Z馃嚭馃嚘馃嚭馃嚘馃嚭馃嚘 retweeted
Im sick of streaming and downloads, Im going back to Records and thats vinyl!
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mariana Z馃嚭馃嚘馃嚭馃嚘馃嚭馃嚘 retweeted
I read a book about sponges. It was very absorbing.
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mariana Z馃嚭馃嚘馃嚭馃嚘馃嚭馃嚘 retweeted
ME: I鈥檇 like to return this CLERK: Sir, we don鈥檛 sell鈥 VCRs from the 90s? ME: I bought it here CLERK: At Old Navy? ME: *stamping foot* This used to be a Radio Shack! CLERK: ME: Store credit, then?
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mariana Z馃嚭馃嚘馃嚭馃嚘馃嚭馃嚘 retweeted
What is a horse鈥檚 favorite kind of wine? Chardoneigh!
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mariana Z馃嚭馃嚘馃嚭馃嚘馃嚭馃嚘 retweeted
I have an Irish friend who always bounces off the walls when he鈥檚 had a few beers. He鈥檚 called Rick O鈥橲hay!
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mariana Z馃嚭馃嚘馃嚭馃嚘馃嚭馃嚘 retweeted
The conservative dating app, 鈥淭he Right Stuff鈥 has arrived! Check out some of the MAGAnificent Republican men in need of an Earthen vessel.
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mariana Z馃嚭馃嚘馃嚭馃嚘馃嚭馃嚘 retweeted
My boss said I wouldnt be late for work every day if I got a potato clock anyone know where I can get a potato clock?
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mariana Z馃嚭馃嚘馃嚭馃嚘馃嚭馃嚘 retweeted
I got arrested for downloading the whole Wikipedia website. I told the detective, 鈥淲ait! I can explain everything!鈥
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