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Spleenly retweeted
I look ridiculously hot tonight. I better stay in.
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Where that file saved is none of my business.
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Didn't so much moderate my drinking as gamify my metabolic panel.
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"Just make an appointment online." Yes, that works very well, since I couldn't possibly need to drive the car before October 13th.
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From a management perspective, a customer who gets lost in the phone tree and hangs up has technically been served.
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You can tell which businesses are just printing money because they no longer have to answer the phone (e.g. dealership service departments).
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Realizing too late *I* was supposed to be that one rich friend with all the sycophants.
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Spleenly retweeted
Why were 70s tv shows so obsessed with the dangers of quicksand?????? I really need to know.
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The key is to forget you used to be happier.
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Spleenly retweeted
Did a job write this?
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Scandinavian summers, tropical winters, and (very mildly) chill?
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Slips on sunglasses and whispers "turbo mode."
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The moment they drive away and you realize the directions you've just given will leave them lost for 45 minutes.
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I only have the patience for a bath if the showerhead is also running.
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Show this thread
My neighbors moved out of their house but left the air conditioning on. Then they hired painters who left all the windows open. With the air conditioning still on. For a week.
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Post-political hucksters like Musk have realized the power of constantly making campaign promises without ever running for any office.
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Idiocracy made today would be irrigating with hard seltzer.
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Don't worry, you can get a STEM degree and still not apply to your tech job.
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No amount of reminders can make me.
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We certainly came out of this knowing who is *not* getting their flute played.
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